Is This Beyond My Control?

How do I get my kiddo to stop doing that? Please refer all ** marks to Disclosure statement at the bottom of my post, also feel free to visit my Disclosure Page page on the bar on the right hand side of my blog. Links may be included in this post. Summary: Below I have described a situation in which I had to put a halt to certain behaviors at home. I also have listed some strategies that may also help you, along with details on how things are going at home this week. To skip to the autism related topic "What you can do to improve situations such as this". Can't you just control your child? Any other special needs parents out there here that line? 😡 Yeah me too. Special needs kiddos cannot just be redirected and then all is well again. I mean, they can be redirected, but, working on behavioral changes takes time, sometimes even years. I recently posted on how society perceives some autistic families, including those who do not understand our day to day struggle. And on top of that, the criticism we often face and try to manage without melting down ourselves. I am sure a few of you out there know where I'm coming from.  Whether your kiddo has a meltdown in the grocery store, is unbuckling the seat belt constantly on the high way, screaming on a plane, or running in circles at the DMV, please understand you are not alone. It may seem that way at the time, but somewhere out there, another autistic parent is going through something similar and also wants to rip their hair out. I'll fill you in on my experience and after provide some suggestions to help dissolve these situations, or at least get them going in a better direction. Noisy Neighbor - how dare you!! Sometimes I have my days where I am tired, cereal for supper and skipping the bath is not going to be the end of the world. Carter has adapted to change in routine so we no longer see meltdowns over this. Last week I, for whatever reason thought it was a good idea to shower mid-day instead of after the kiddos went to bed. Big mistake! This resulted in the boys running all over the house, fighting, yelling, and I was upset myself. Just a shower, that's all I wanted! It's been a crazy week. So going forward, even if I want to change the routine, because I am tired, or whatever the reason, I just can't do that until behaviors at home improve. They will, in time. Due to it being summer, the boys are constantly fighting and I haven't had much time away from playing referee over here.  As summer break is just starting, it throws off the kiddos' bedtime and morning routines. Lately they have been waking up at 4 a.m. Our apartment complex does not allow the boys to play outside - I find this ridiculous. The grass already looks yellow and dried up, not like they could do much more damage to it. I apologize, I am very cranky today due to some circumstances going on at home. Let's talk about that for a second. A few days ago, we received a warning letter from the apartment manager which stated we have five days to reduce the amount of "excessive noise" at home or we will be evicted. Again, relating back to my post on Dealing With Society & Autism - if you have not read it, please take a look and then continue on here. For those of you who have read it, remember the new neighbor who had the audacity to stand in my doorway and tell me how to control Carter while he was mid-meltdown? Well, she wasn't done. This lady is really working my last nerve. I have decided to take the high road and just not answer the door when she knocks. As you may recall, I did not handle our last conversation well. Since she could not reach me, she contacted the regional apartment manager, and we then received our warning letter from the local apartment manager. (he lives in the building next to ours onsite) She is complaining that the kiddos are up at 4 am running, stomping, and banging on things. She also said throughout the day this is happening. Again, I reached out to the apartment manager, reminded him -again- that Carter has autism and some noise is inevitable when he has a meltdown. What does this lady expect, me to restrain my child? I would never. So, here we are, trying to work on keeping things quieter.  First off, it's going okay so far. We only have two days left until the warning letter expires, which will be Sunday evening. Am I the only parent out there in general that cannot no matter how hard you try, wake up at 4 a.m.? I tried. Two mornings in a row after this happened. I failed. I would love to be one of those 'sleepless elite' parents that only need 4 -5 hours of sleep to survive. Between myself and my SO, we also started sleeping on the couch to put them back to bed in the wee morning hours. It has been working, hopefully that continues. The thing is, with two little boys, full of energy, not allowed to play outside, and the closest park 30 minutes away, we don't get around to getting all that energy out every single day. I am just not sure what this lady expects. I do not understand it at all. She lives in a lower apartment, there is always noise. Logically one would think, "Hmm..I would like a quiet apartment, is a lower unit really a good idea?". Or maybe ask some questions before signing the lease, such as, 'Do the people above me have children or people over all the time?'. I am drawing the conclusion that she has never been a parent or just does not care for children at all. I really do not like this lady, if that has not been clear enough already 😂 BUT again, I am tired! Even with that, I cannot give up. I have to try to get the boys to slow down, drive to that park every other day, and set some better ground rules for morning activities. I am also wondering if she's going to complain about the cat running back and forth, too. (Our cat Bella is only 2 years old so she's pretty wild, especially late night / early morning. Duh, she's a cat.) This is driving me crazy! I can handle redirecting a little bit every day, but this is all day long.  Let me share with you how I'm managing this 'noisy problem' (jeez this is ridiculous): Limiting screen time: One hour of tablet time per day, no tv until myself or Andy are up in the morning. This is an incentive to keep reinforcing good behavior. We have worked on adding in a few extra minutes if they go back to bed until 7 a.m. Visualizing demands: phrases such as 'walking feet please', 'where do you need to be until 7 a.m.?', 'slow down like a snail'. These help the boys picture what we are asking them to do, which is simpler for a young kiddo in general to understand rather than abstract conversations. For example, Maddex's dad told him to "respect other people in the building", come on now, he's not even 5 years old yet. 😒 Setting an example: We both model the behavior we expect, if they do not understand what we are asking them to do. I had to stand both kiddos next to me, demonstrate how to slowly walk through the house, and coaching them through it. Yes, we really had to do that. I still have to a few times a day. Using a quiet voice: Your kiddo will usually mirror your voice when you speak in a whisper or a quiet voice. I also just hand signals when they are yelling. This is a visual reminder and most times works immediately. Choose to turn it around or miss out: "If you choose to run/other not acceptable behavior, then you will not be able to have tablet time/other preferred activity. This works well. If all else fails, we call Grandma. That always works. And that better be the end of this! What can you do to improve situations such as this No worries, these things happen. It can always be turned around with some creativity and patience. These may help improve behaviors or fizzle down meltdowns: Stay calm: The more calm you are, the better you can think, and this models the behavior you want to see. Again, visuals rather than abstract demands. Find the trigger/cause of behavior: If you can, avoid that trigger. If not, ask the 'wh' questions and investigate what's going on. Process the situation: If you can have a conversation with your kiddo about what's going on, what you expect, and how to get there, have that conversation. If you cannot, I would encourage you to still speak to your kiddo, and look for physical cues that they understand what you are saying (eye contact, nodding head). If this does not work, you may need to get creative - draw out a story, or tell one, turn it into a game, or see if a family member or friend can help you brainstorm on more ideas. (Yes that's right, I don't have all the answers) Before & After: This also ties into the processing, just observing and making mental notes of what happened before, and after, how to prevent it, and what could be done better next time.  Stay consistent: Keep your expectations the same every time. Patience is key here. Do not give up - things will turn around in time. Once your kiddo sees that you will not budge, they will eventually make a change. Our week at home As usual, just a bit of how things are coming along at home. I have not had much time for anything due to the constant monitoring and redirecting. I meant to already have this post done, on Wednesday, and due to Carter's baseball and programming, that did not happen. We also had a few appointments this week. We all still have a cold, it is getting better, just a lot of runny noses.  Carter started his programming for summer at one of the autism centers in our area. He only goes for 4 hours a week, but this is good for him to get some programming and keep some sort of consistency. I have my computer fully set up, and am still figuring out the webcam. I did a few test videos and should be able to get something posted on my channel next week. I know I know, I keep saying that...it's hard to just record a video when I can only do that when the kiddos are sleeping. As I have stated before, due to legal reasons, my children cannot be featured in any of my content, including vlogs.  With the crazy lady down stairs, we are looking to move. So far we saw one apartment, an upper, a block from home. At first I was apprehensive, but we discovered there is a small office room (perfect for blogging and recording), the apartment is above garages (no downstairs neighbors), there are only 5 other people in the building, and it's a little bit bigger than what we have now. The leasing agent said they are waiting for some paperwork from someone else, but still encouraged us to apply. At this point, if we can find something within Carter's school district, that accepts cats, I cannot complain. The next one we are going to see is outside of Carter's school district, and from the pictures looks like it only has coin-op laundry (we have a washer / dryer in our apartment, and so does the one we looked at today). Hopefully we find something nice soon. We finally told the kids about our upcoming vacation. They were so thrilled! We looked at pictures of Disney World and the hotel we will be staying at. They are so excited! I mean, Andy and myself, we are too, even though we are adults 😀 But hey it should be a good time, last birthday in my 20's. My coding template is not working properly so I've been manually coding half of this post, which is very time-consuming.. My closing thoughts Again, I apologize this post is so late. I just want some time to relax. I am hoping things turn around here and we find a place that isn't so pesky about Carter's behavior. Some things I can only control so much. I am so tired. I hope my strategies have helped at least one autism parent or caregiver in a similar situation. Again, patience is key. Follow me on social media for updates on new posts. **Disclosure: Reviews of products & referenced links are not sponsored by any affiliates and are solely the opinion of the Author; these are strictly opinions and honest advice, which should not be considered consumer or health guidelines. The Autism Soup and/or The Author are not responsible for any injuries or damage due to procedures listed above. Please consult with your doctor in regards to health concerns.