The Security Blanket

Loveys (Security Blankets) and what it's all about Please refer all ** marks to Disclosure statement at the bottom of my post, also feel free to visit my Disclosure Page page on the bar on the right hand side of my blog. Links may be included in this post. Summary: Below I have described my experiences with my kiddo's lovey and what I do to save my sanity once all goes wrong with it. To skip to the autism related topic, scroll down to "If your kiddo has a lovey, or you would like to know what I do with our nonnies, see below". (this can be used for kiddos without autism also) The story of "nonnie" As I have mentioned in a previous post, both my kiddos have a "nonnie" or "nonn" for short, as a security blanket. I refer to security blankets as "lovies" as I feel labeling them that sounds a bit more cuddly then 'security blanket'.  Carter's is a white pillowcase, and Maddex's is a plush blanket. (he actually has 4 of these, all different patterns)  Carter has gone through many nonnies. His first one was a mini baby blanket with a cute little elephant attached to the top. It was only about 6 inches long and perfect for my new little bundle of joy. Once he was a year and a few months, he took to a fitted crib sheet one day upon waking up. I did find this strange - why a fitted sheet? It was **Winnie the Pooh characters, and we had this sheet for a while, so after a few washes with fabric softener it became less scratchy and more soft. (That's what fabric softener is for, right?) I found this to be a pretty big lovey, and it was at this time he started to call it "nonnie". One day, a few months later, (after he started walking) he stepped on his beloved nonnie and it was torn almost in half. I was concerned as I am sure most parents would be, that he would trip and hurt himself if I left it as is; Carter watched with wide eyes as I cut the nonnie in half. I am not sure (as he was not talking at this point) if he really cared that his nonnie was now different or not. As then I had two of them, my mother gave me the idea to hide one and switch them out. (I have mentioned why below in the next section) After 4 years, the nonnies became really ratty, and even with constant washing, they smelled pretty bad. Carter didn't mind, he loved his nonnie even though it was pretty gross looking at this point. I tried to ween him off his lovey once he turned 4 and a half, but, to no avail, I was not getting that lovey out of his hands any time soon. I decided to snatch it up, very carefully, when he was sleeping a few nights later. I still have it to this day, (its in a sealed bag to ward off the smell) and will keep it as a memory from his childhood. My mother still has mine! Carter was very upset with me the next morning; well what should I expect, right? He had a few rough days that week, and then the next week, he took to a new nonnie. I thought it was pretty weird - a yellow pillowcase with a satin stitch on one side. This was a few years old, I am not sure where it even came from - could have been a rummage sale or something. I was folding laundry and putting away the linens when I noticed him hugging this pillowcase. He stuck with that one for over a year; I eventually had to throw it away as he threw it out the car window and it then had tire tracks all over it. (once we finally found it after hours of backtracking our commute to run errands) I will make a post in the future on safe-proofing the car. This time, I reached out to my mother to see if she had any ideas - I definitely did not want my kiddo carrying around another fitted sheet, or a pillowcase with a special design that we could not get another. She went to a department store and returned with a set of two pillow cases, no special stitching, as similar we could get to his old one. He absolutely loved the thing. He still has this one and often requests when it needs a "bath".  The nonnie has changed, the name stays the same.  Maddex still has his first nonnie. His father was against this in the initial stages as he found it ridiculous for our kiddo to have a ratty blanket toted around everywhere Maddex went; he has now accepted the fact that Maddex loves his nonnie and it is here to stay. Carter's father never really cared if Carter had a nonnie or not. These lovies come with us pretty much everywhere; there are days they leave them home by choice. Either is fine with me, as long as they stay in the car, or at home when they go to school. If we happen to not have our loveys with, for example, a doctor appointment or long car ride, it turns into a whole meltdown with lots of crying; further down on my post I will list a few ways to save your sanity (and keep your kiddo from becoming upset) if they have a lovey left at home. Is it really necessary for my kiddo to have a lovie? I would say as a parent that is your choice; some kiddos take to a certain stuffed animal, blanket, or other toy and it becomes a lovey. Other kiddos never have one and are just fine. It's up to you if you choose to let your kiddo have a lovey or not. Why do kiddos like these and carry them around? I find it helps my kiddos to have something soothing to get them through the boo-boos, the scary times, and falling asleep.  If your kiddo has a lovey, or you would like to know what I do with our nonnies, see below:: Buy an extra one: As I stated above, Maddex has a couple nonnies and could care less which one he currently has with him. Carter on the other hand, has a specific pillow case he loves, and will not take to another type of lovey, even if it is a similar pillowcase. Due to that, we have an extra. Also, if your kiddo happens to lose one or you really need to wash the darn thing and cannot sneak it away after bedtime, it is convenient to have an extra. So, you may be thinking, but what if I only have one and cannot find another? Well, that happens. Maybe you will get lucky and can get something similar, your kiddo may be fine with it. If not, you can always try to sneak it away at bedtime, or just wash it when your kiddo is at school or with family. Believe me, we have went through many nonnies, which was a hard transition. However, after that transition from a tattered fitted crib sheet to a pillowcase, everything was fine. Switch it out frequently (if possible):  I switch Carter's out with the same exact pillowcase (luckily they usually come in a two pack anyway) so they look the same and he cannot tell the difference. These things get dirty from being dragged all around, stinky from whatever may get on them, or stained, and need washing frequently. I usually wash our nonnies once a week with the linens.  Set rules for your kiddo on their lovey: Who wants to lose one of these, right? As I have stated above, our nonnies are not allowed out of the car or when visiting family. (my mother is an exception to this rule as for years she watched the kiddos while I worked, and now it's just became habit to bring it to Grandma's house) With that being said, I do have an exception to this rule; they are allowed their nonnie for appointments (vaccinations can be scary even for us, right?), IEP meetings, long car rides, and vacations. My kiddos have accepted that once a week they must turn their nonnie in for washing; Maddex usually just throws his in the washer before I even get to washing anything. Carter is usually pretty reluctant, but will hand it over after he loves it up a bit and says goodbye. (he also does this every morning before school, it's pretty cute) I do not allow nonnies at the dinner table or the bathroom - this prevents a lot of messes to their loveys and stains.  A little about my week so far It's been a productive week, I'll say that; I would like to get more done, however, as I have stated in a previous post, we can't do it all at once. And that is okay - little deal, not a big deal. I am finally figuring out a cleaning schedule, which I may just print out and hang up on my bulletin board for a reminder. **Pinterest has loads of these upon searching for them, some are even printable already. As we are cutting down on our grocery bill, (which per month is more than our rent - I know, I can't believe it either) Andy and I are going to the store together. Usually I go by myself, until now. Everything going forward needs approval (I found this one funny, but I do see Andy's point) before it goes in the cart. We have switched from boxes of muffins and cakes to home-baked treats. Also, we are stocking up on meat and freezing it as the bigger packages save money. I got yelled at for buying my face cream (as I am sure many of you mommas out there know, anti-wrinkle creams are expensive! Even the generic ones!) We were able to get a bulk-sized box of toilet paper from Andy's work (he works at a mill which produces some paper products along with other supplies) which paid for itself within the first month. Granted, it isn't the best quality, however, I am probably the only one in our house who cares if it's two ply premium TP.  I am back at the gym, finally. I was stuck in a rut for a week and a half where I just didn't feel like doing much of anything; including leaving the house, running errands, and going to the gym. My trainer was upset about this, and threatened me with burpees if I did not get back on track with my training. (nothing like brutal workouts to bring out the motivation) I think this was probably due to the loss of my job (over a month ago now) and I was still not over it; it felt like breaking up with a boyfriend. That job was my baby and I sacrificed a lot of time with my kiddos to stay devoted to my work. When they let me go it was via mail, and I still haven't filed that letter away. Now that I am feeling better, I should really do that..I need to get back into posting more as it gives me an outlet and I really enjoy it. The food aversions are back! As I mentioned, Andy wants to cut down on the food and go for a more frugal approach; this leads to casserole (I don't even care for that), more vegetables (that is still a power struggle with Maddex, unless it's pickles. Is that even a vegetable really? They eat them like mad.) Luckily, the kiddos enjoy **Crystal Light instead of juice, which is a lot cheaper and cuts down on the sugar. They do not mind the baking though! Which is always nice 😋 I finally have some "me" time during the day (as Maddex is in preschool half days and naps shortly afterward) which is nice. Also, since I have finished a few books of research I was digging into, now I have time to read all my magazines. I am not sure how this happened, or if someone signed me up for a free magazine subscription, but I get **Allure, **Glamour, and **Vanity magazines at least once a month. I enjoy the articles and fashion looks while working on my cardio at the gym. The kiddos are happy the weather is changing, and loved playing outside at Grandma's yesterday evening. Afterward, there was a scraped knee and elbow - I haven't seen any boo-boos really since fall. There has been some push-back with school from both kiddos; both coming and going. I am not sure why at this point, we did have a few snow days this month so that could have something to do with it..the weather could also be a factor. Who wants to go to school when the park is so much fun? Things are getting better this week, as I mentioned with Self Care, routine is important. Above I have shown an example of why that is the case. I had to laugh, Maddex just said to me, "Mom are you working on your 'log'?" (he means blog ha ha!) My closing thoughts It's okay for your kiddo to have a lovey, or not if they choose so, or if you do. I am not sure what is in store for the nonnies going forward, my kiddos can hold onto them until they are ready to let them go. I feel great since I'm back on track! I hope my information and tips on lovies helps parents out there who are in the same boat, or just curious on what in the heck is the security blanket even for. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my post! Follow me on social media for updates on new posts 😸 **Disclosure: Reviews of products & referenced links are not sponsored by any affiliates and are solely the opinion of the Author; these are strictly opinions and honest advice, which should not be considered consumer or health guidelines. The Autism Soup and/or The Author are not responsible for any injuries or damage due to procedures listed above. Please consult with your doctor in regards to health concerns.

Self care for the autism mommas

Self Care is Number One! Please refer all ** marks to Disclosure statement at the bottom of my post, also feel free to visit my Disclosure Page page on the bar on the right hand side of my blog. Links may be included in this post. Summary: This post is to identify and set guidelines for caring for yourself, and my thoughts on the subject. This post is just a personal post, and does include some examples of autism-related events, however, I have not included any autism strategies in this post. You can't pour from an empty cup Yes, I have said this time and time again in previous posts; taking care of yourself first is a hard rule to follow, and I can admit sometimes myself I have a difficult time not sitting down to take a break for a few minutes or following a decent sleep schedule when I could be cleaning. There are days I just want to skip brushing my hair or something similar because I am tired and there are days with Carter we have rough mornings.  Skipping a meal is also a big no-no. Isn't that selfish? Putting yourself first instead of the kiddos? Well, no.  Who is going to take care of your kiddo if you can't take care of yourself?  Below I have listed some guidelines I follow myself to keep my self care on track: Routine: this falls into the category of everything else I have listed below. Routines help you stay on track of taking care of yourself. Beauty / Personal Hygiene: By no means am I getting at wearing makeup or doing your nails; just the basics to keep yourself from looking a mess. Believe me, I've been there! There have been days I've skipped showers, left my hair in a tangled mess, went to bed without brushing my teeth - just to name a few. Having a morning and night time routine is very important. This also sets an example for your kiddo that taking care of yourself is necessary once they are more independent. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I had a hard time at first letting Carter shower himself, and now he can without any supervision or verbal cuing. He is seven years old now and to teach him what we do as an older kiddo, I set an example for him of self care by taking care of my hygiene needs as well. Appointments: Am I the only one that dreads going to the dentist? Or the doctor? Nothing like finding out you have cavities or some sort of health issue right? Even though it may be a real headache to go to the dentist for a filling, or have a blood draw, or go to the gynecologist, taking care of your health is just as equally important as the rest of self care. This can be more convenient if your kiddo sees the same providers you do; you can schedule all their appointments and yours while in the office. Once you get an appointment reminder for your kiddo, that can also be a reminder to keep yourself on track with appointments. I personally schedule both my kiddos for appointments back to back - and I do mine when they are in school. This saves me time with one trip to a provider for the kiddos, and then I don't have to call and try to schedule over the phone. (and all the crazy noise going on from the kiddos; with the tv going and two boys, sometimes things get pretty loud in here)  A good support system: Whether you reach out to a friend, relative, or your SO, it is important to have a few people to reach out to for support. I do not know how I would make it through each week without Andy or my mom. My best friend also has two kiddos (not on the spectrum) and we vent to each other about our scenarios with the kiddos. This includes the good and the bad, I enjoy hearing her stories about her kiddos doing crafts and holidays, not just the messes and bad haircut experiences. Do something you enjoy: This could be a hobby, or just a soak in the tub with a magazine. I'll admit, once the kiddos go to bed, I have fun playing **Minecraft. The little things that can cheer you up - sometimes it's things you would not even think of! For example, going for a walk or just window shopping. I also enjoy looking back at the kiddo's baby pictures. Brings a tear to my eye every time! (A happy tear) Laugh a little: Finding the humor in non-desired situations can really reduce the stress. When I found Maddex covered in permanent marker after I woke up this morning, I had to laugh; I thought to myself 'Is this his version of tattoos??' and then after that I drank some coffee before scrubbing the "tattoos" off my kiddo. Driving yourself nuts over those "Little Deals" is really not necessary. Although, Maddex is grounded from his tablet today and was reminded that drawing on yourself with a sharpie or any other marker is unacceptable behavior. Get a sitter and take some time off: Do not be too hard on yourself if you get a sitter and go on a date with your SO, or have a girl's night with your friends; we all need a break sometimes. If you can and your kiddo is on the spectrum, apply for and use respite. What's that you ask? A personal care worker, usually through the State, in which the worker watches your kiddo while you run errands for a few hours or any other activities you would like to do for some "momma time". Breathe!: Being too overwhelmed can lead to a lot of stress and it just snowballs down from there. Keep in mind you can get through the meltdown in the store, the IEP meeting, or any other event that is worrying you. Take a five minute break if you need to and come back to the issue at hand. I understand this probably won't happen at an IEP meeting or the grocery store, however, if you do happen to have a good team on board for the IEP, they may be more willing to work with you on that. And as for the grocery store - if it's too much you can always leave the store after the meltdown and go grocery shopping once you have a sitter. I will list a few strategies I use to deal with standing up to rude people in the community when meltdowns happen. I will speak up every time to people like this, and there is nothing wrong with that! Just keep your cool. 😇 As I said, more on that in a future post. What a week!! I have had a lot of mom duties to attend to this past week. Going forward, I am hoping to post 1 - 2 times a week. My apologies this is so late! I haven't posted for quite a while, 10 days in fact! Today was another snow day for the kiddos - this weekend we had a blizzard and there is quite a large amount of snow on the ground. Andy spent a half hour digging his car out today. This weekend I spent 2 hours commuting to get Maddex and bring him home. (he visits with his dad on the weekends) I literally had to drive 10 miles per hour through this blizzard. And also had to shovel - we haven't had enough snow to shovel in I believe 2 years! The roundabouts over here also do not help the driving conditions with the snow. I cannot believe during this 2 hour ordeal I saw 12 cars stuck in the snow. I also did get stuck twice, but I do pretty well with winter driving and was able to get out within a few minutes. More of the poop this weekend. (Did I mention how much I do not like this mess?) Both kiddos this weekend! Like what is going on here?? Carter enjoyed the **Minecraft pickaxe I made him last week. He pretends to be "mining" in a cave. I printed out a template, he cut it out, and we taped it to some cardboard from a cereal box. For **Minecraft printables, click here. I just use the search bar to find what I need rather than scrolling and clicking around the site - the home page is pictures of other paper crafts people have done, and are not the printables themselves. I would love to take the kiddos outside now to the huge snow pile near our driveway, however, it is pretty cold outside. As Carter is not sensitive to the cold temperature, I try to keep him inside when it gets too cold outside. If I were to take him outside today, I would not be able to get him back in. That's a meltdown I would like to avoid! We do have a sledding hill about 10 minutes away, hoping sometime this week to take the kiddos - maybe even next weekend. Maddex now has homework from his teacher she would like me to work on with him. He's in preschool so I feel that's a bit much for a four year old, but we will give it a shot. She gave me his homework Friday and we have not started it yet. Maybe I've caught the procrastinating bug?? I was happy to be treated to a nice steak dinner by my SO. 😘 That was so nice! My closing thoughts Yes, we all get stressed as parents and have moments we lose our cool. Myself included! Taking care of yourself is necessary to care for your kiddo. Do not feel ashamed for getting a sitter to take a spa day for example. By no means am I suggesting NOT caring for your kiddo, however, a few hours off from parenting a week can greatly help you stay sane! As always, I have included some events from this weekend with my family also. I hope you enjoyed this post! Follow me on social media and leave a comment on topics you would like to see on my blog! Subscribe to get notifications on my new posts as they come along! 😸 **Disclosure: Reviews of products & referenced links are not sponsored by any affiliates and are solely the opinion of the Author; these are strictly opinions and honest advice, which should not be considered consumer or health guidelines. The Autism Soup and/or The Author are not responsible for any injuries or damage due to procedures listed above. Please consult with your doctor in regards to health concerns.

Little Deal VS. Big Deal

Is it a little deal or a big deal? Please refer all ** marks to Disclosure statement at the bottom of my post, also feel free to visit my Disclosure Page page on the bar on the right hand side of my blog. Links may be included in this post. Summary: Below I have listed how I determine if a meltdown is a "big" or "little" deal; I have also described Friday's in our household. No need to skip to the autism related topic as I have included it first; it is below! **How to determine if your kiddo is in crisis mode, or if the situation is fixable with help Sometimes kiddos have meltdowns, sometimes they have tantrums, sometimes they have anxiety about an ongoing or future event. Distinguishing between those can be difficult at times. Triggers for meltdowns vary greatly; for example, Carter has meltdowns over going to school along with the wrong brand or flavor of cheese we have. (One of his favorite snacks) As Autism is a spectrum disorder, all kiddos fit somewhere on the spectrum, and all kiddos are different. There is not one set list of behaviors or actions for all kiddos. Most of winning the battle here is trial and error. What works for my kiddo may not work for yours; thinking outside the box and not giving up are very important. Chances are, your kiddo is probably as frustrated as you when it comes to getting the situation under control, if you are unsure how to fix it. So how to we determine what is a little deal or a big deal? How do we make it all better and get our kiddo back on track?  Finding the trigger for the behavior is where I start. If the cause of the behavior is unknown, it is very difficult personally for myself to make things better. So how to find the trigger?: That depends on your kiddo. See below for some techniques I have tried which help me to get my kiddo back on track: Communication: If your kiddo has a good communication system with you, utilize that. Carter is on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum and is able to voice concerns to me. He does not yet initiate those conversations, and often times I have to wait him out. He will tell me what's bothering him when he's ready. Observing Behavior: Hone in to those red flags before the meltdown. Did something happen right before the behaviors happened? Was there a change in routine? Did your kiddo get their medications at the proper time, dosage, and method usually used? (if they take medication) Do they have their favorite lovie along? (I have labeled any favorite toy or object as a lovie; Carter has a pillow case and has named it "Nonnie" or "Nonn" for short. It goes everywhere with us) More important information on lovies in a future post. All those 'wh' questions, including 'how' are important in figuring out what's going on. Regulation: Is the kiddo over or under stimulated? Comfort in body regulation is important. Often times, I find with Carter, if he is over stimulated - running around at a fast speed, talking louder than usual for long amounts of time, extensive hand flapping, or any form of aggression, he needs to be regulated. I have included regulation techniques on my previous post. If you would like more information, please click on my post Easter Sunday. Basic Needs: These are things that personally upset me and I would consider normal for any kiddo, regardless of if they are on the spectrum or not. Are they hungry? tired? in pain / have injury? (whether this is a paper cut or something serious) cold? hot? sick? If I am hungry and have a headache I am not the same person as if I am satiated and not in pain. I wouldn't expect Carter to feel any different. Any other basic needs you can think of to consider asking yourself when identifying triggers is great! These are just a few examples. Appearance: This could be anything from a new haircut to a tag on their shirt. Do they have new shoes or something they do not feel comfortable with? Even a backpack could be a trigger. These may sound silly, but I mean really if you think about it, these "little" things could be fixed, and save you a lot of grief. As I have stated before, Carter refuses to wear jeans as he does not like them, and may turn his shirt inside out if the tag is bothering him. Again, he would rather do that then tell me he needs me to help him fix the problem with the tag on the shirt. When I buy new clothes, I immediately (after trying them on of course 😁 ) remove the sales tags and wash them. I cannot stand to wear new clothing without washing it first. Relating to your child's triggers as much as possible can help expand your understanding of the 'why' your kiddo is having behaviors. We will get to the fixing part of these scenarios later on in this post. Sensory: This ties in to regulation. There are plenty of products out there to make both your lives easier. For example, I took Carter to the circus with noise-cancelling headphones. He was able to attend the whole event without crying or throwing anything. (object aggression) That was great! All due to one set of noise-cancelling headphones. Sunglasses also are a biggie. I wear them, why would my kiddo not like some also? I let Carter pick out a red pair (his favorite color), with UV protection of course! He has a pair in my car, and also a pair in his backpack when he goes to school. Car rides used to be a real bear; Carter would request we take the "shortcut way" to our destination. I have figured out this was due to less time in the car as the sunlight triggered his anxiety. Now we can take the "long way" and all is well. Is the lovie along for wherever you are? Comfort found in the lovie can help your kiddo self-soothe by touching, or simply having an object in their hand.  Brain Overload: A long day at school without breaks in between can cause a number of behaviors. I remember when Carter needed 5 minute breaks in between 2 minute tasks during school. He has now expanded break times to 3 hours within 6 months. I was completely surprised when the school told me this, I am very proud! This would be something to mention at an IEP meeting if you feel school is very hard for your kiddo. If they are given too many directions without time to process, or "their picture" doesn't match "your picture" of what the expected finished task looks like, they may not understand and just completely go into meltdown mode. More on the "pictures" in a future post. It is common for kiddos to struggle with communicating these "deals". Again, these are just a few examples, observing the behavior most likely will help you pinpoint these types of behaviors. Routine: Rigid routines are a common occurrence with Autistic kiddos. If any part of that routine is changed, meltdowns may occur. Once we switched schools last year, Carter had a hard time when going to school. Last year I transported him to school. This year he takes a shuttle van and has a harness with a tether strap he wears during transport. Transitioning between this transportation change took 4 months. Now he is able to get on and off the shuttle without a problem. Granted there are still days I cannot pinpoint triggers and he goes off to school escalated. By no means am I a perfect Autism mom! These things happen. Once the trigger is identified, then we distinguish "big" and "little" deals: Something that is a "big deal" would be a trigger that results in extreme behaviors, such as clearing tables, destroying a room, verbal / object / person aggression (which could be on them self or another person), crying, and isolation. These are things that need your help to fix. For example, loud music. As I described above, I use noise-cancelling headphones with Carter for events. This is something he needs my help with, as he cannot purchase these himself; also, he would not be able to understand this product is an option to help fix the situation.  A "little deal" would be a trigger or anxiety that results in less extreme behaviors, such as isolation or refusing to communicate, or crying. These are things that your kiddo can fix themselves, or are simply not worth the power struggle for the day. If my kiddo is sick, obviously I am not going to take him to school or force him to wear anything but pajamas. We have some cold medicine he will absolutely NOT take as he had a bad initial experience with it. I tried it and almost vomited myself, so I get it. (See, trial and error. If I would have not tried that medicine, I would not have found the "why" for the behaviors) On a sick day as I have described, I would still push fluids and give a fever reducer, monitoring him. I also would not stress the issue of homework for the day. These things are "little" deals, yes, a sickness is serious always, however, I am not going to force my kiddo to follow his routine to a tee in this situation. I am willing to work with him to make the situation better. An example of a situation they could fix them self would be putting sunglasses on in the car as the sunlight may cause anxiety. I have described this situation above for my son, Carter in Sensory.  There are varying degrees of meltdowns and triggers, these listed above are simply some examples. Why does the "little" vs "big" deal work? This builds trust, which could lead to more communication from your kiddo about other triggers, and also a feeling of security that you can help them. That usually leads to less and less behaviors, as you are able to help them fix the situation, or give them what they need to fix the situation them self. How a typical Friday looks in our household As always, I like to incorporate in my posts a little tidbit of my life as an Autism mom. I most likely would not trust an Autism parent blogging about strategies on how to help my kiddo if they did not include any personal stories. But hey, that's just my two cents! Friday morning Carter attends school as usual. Maddex's dad picks Maddex up at noon. As Carter is still in school, he does not see his brother until visiting time with his dad is over (Sunday at 2 pm). When Carter comes home, his brother is gone with his dad. This gives him free reign to all their toys. For the first few hours he enjoys it. Then later on, usually 3 to 4 hours later, he asks me every 10 minutes when Maddex is coming home. He also expresses that he misses his brother. This to me is considered a "little deal". After answering his questions, he is able to see himself that his brother will return. He also self-soothes with his lovie and body regulation on his own. So after he comes home from school, only on Friday's, we play Minecraft for an hour. Afterwards, we have supper. On Friday, vegetables are not offered. He is very excited for Friday's to avoid the "no thank you bite". More on that in a future post. After supper he gives himself a shower. We are to the point I still check that he is clean and teeth are brushed / flossed. During the start of the transition from giving him a shower myself, to now doing it himself, I did supervise and rarely needed to use verbal cuing. After bathing, he has one hour to play before bedtime. At bedtime he is allowed his tablet for a half hour before sleep. Friday's are one of his favorites; they go pretty well with the occasional spike in behavior. Today has been an okay Friday, aside from the poop! Luckily this was before his shower time. Like most kiddos, he simply wants to play and tries to hold it rather than using the bathroom. Have I mentioned the poop obsession? My kiddo enjoys playing with his poop. 😲 I know. I have plenty of **Lysol, carpet cleaner, and air freshener stocked. Occasionally I find poop nuggets hidden. I have no idea why he finds this a preferred activity, however, it has improved from how often I used to see this. Currently he is showering, getting clean. As Andy is off work for the weekend, I plan to take some time to myself and go to the gym. "Me" time is important to stay sane! Hopefully the remainder of the night goes well, Happy Friday All! My closing thoughts Yes, this one is a biggie. I understand how hard it can be to identify what exactly is going on with your kiddo and how to fix it. It is sometimes a hard, long process. However, once identified both you and your kiddo's lives will be MUCH easier! I am encouraging you to take the 5 minutes to brainstorm on the 'why' or 'how' and then take action on the situation. You can have a safe, calm kiddo and go anywhere in society with confidence. It is possible, I have done it. This may take some time. Give yourself the time, be patient and persistent. There are support groups out there for Special Needs parents. You are not alone in this! If you are still struggling, search for parent coaching services in your area. If you cannot find any, do some research online. There are loads of websites and videos out there for Autism parents, in the same situation as you or me. Never give up! Things do get better! **Disclosure: Reviews of products & referenced links are not sponsored by any affiliates and are solely the opinion of the Author; these are strictly opinions and honest advice, which should not be considered consumer or health guidelines. The Autism Soup and/or The Author are not responsible for any injuries or damage due to procedures listed above. Please consult with your doctor in regards to health concerns.

Easter Sunday

My first post! Please refer all ** marks to Disclosure statement at the bottom of my post, also feel free to visit my Disclosure Page page on the bar on the right hand side of my blog. Links are included in this post. Summary: Below I have described my Easter experience yesterday with my family, also included some information on using a quiet voice and body regulation for autism. To skip to the quiet voice section, scroll down to "Bouncing off the walls". To skip to the body regulation section, scroll down to "Regulating the sugar-infused children". Here comes Peter Cottontail! Oh, the joys of Easter! And the massive amounts of candy... What would an Easter basket be without a chocolate Easter bunny? Yesterday I did not even try to fight the battle of nutrition vs the Easter basket. 😪 Once the kiddos had munched through half their bunny and a few fun-sized candy bars, it looked like they had a battle with poop, and the poop won. Of course, this was chocolate, not poop - but it did remind me of a few stinky situations from the past! Needless to say, they both had a very extensive bath, which included scrubbing off all that chocolate! I still am letting them have a few pieces of candy here and there, however, Easter is now over and I need to be consistent with our meal routines. I do make exceptions for holidays, such as yesterday. Buying the baskets and candy Wow, I must say, Walmart was PACKED Saturday night, Easter eve. Apparently I am not the only parent who scrambles during holidays to get all the presents wrapped, thrown in a basket, bundled up nicely in a gift bag, or cards signed with a lovely little note from Mom. Glad to know I am not the only one! Even being a SAHM, with my cleaning and workout schedules, I get busy during the day when the kiddos are in school; I couldn't bring them with to buy the baskets, so I asked my mother for some help. Bless you mom for babysitting while I bought the goodies! The whole candy isle (separate from the seasonal stuff - the Easter isle on Saturday) was completely EMPTY. That was a weird sight to see! I bought the boys a small plush Easter bunny, some sticky mini darts (yay to boys throwing toys across the room, right?), a mashum's toy, some fun-sized candy bars, and the chocolate Easter bunny. I did also get my SO an Easter basket too, which included a large Reese's Easter egg (a little bigger than the size of my closed fist), an apple store gift Card, white chocolate Reese's eggs, and some Twizzlers chewy cherry pieces. He was very happy to get a basket along with the kiddos! Myself, I am not a big fan of candy, unless the monthly cycle hits. Then I may sneak a brownie or enjoy some peanut butter cup fat-free ice cream. (Yes, that is a thing - the brand I buy is Arctic Zero. **Click here for their website. I love this stuff and it's not cheating on my diet because it's fat-free and low carb! Dieting win for the Momma!). Please see bottom of page for disclosure on this product. Easter Dinner As the kiddos already indulged in their baskets and were pretty full, I did not cook yesterday. We do not host an Easter dinner nor attend one, our families aren't really big into that. I would love to eventually host one, however, I may need to wait a few years for the kiddos to get over the food aversions of scalloped potatoes, pea soup, cheesy hash browns, and green bean casserole. All foods I love! They do enjoy ham, one of the few proteins I can get them to eat! All the hams were bought out at Walmart. That doesn't leave much for an Easter dinner. Eh, I am not a perfect Autism Mom, and as I said, I was not going to fight the battle of the Bunny vs Easter dinner. Bouncing off the walls OH YEAH. Crazy sugar rushes from the kiddos, I'm all charged up on coffee, both boys are running around, throwing their sticky darts, delighted to have a free day to play and enjoy being boys. Normally, I would not tolerate this behavior, however, this was a more lax parenting day as my SO had to work that night, so we couldn't do the tag-team parenting as usual, since he needed the sleep. Also, I now had a large amount to clean up; between the candy wrappers, chocolate on the floor, and toys strewn about from all the playing - I was busy. On the regular day, for any loud yelling / screaming / other ridiculously unacceptable noise, I simply tell my kiddos (in a quiet voice), "Boys, match my voice. Inside voices or the (insert toy or desired activity here) ___ will be taken away.". I do not so much now here the grunting and complaining, however, Carter does stomp on the floor a few times, then quietly accepts my request. The reason I quiet my voice is so the kiddos have to be quiet to hear me. If I am yelling and they are yelling, no one is listening. Also, why would I argue with my children? My rules for the kiddos are non-negotiable. I have learned the more quiet you are, calm and collected, the more weight each demand holds. I refer to this technique as "Safe, Calm Resting Face". Not giving a reaction or acting on something your kiddo does to get your attention can be a powerful thing. OK, so on to the messes daily. We have a routine before bed to pick up the toys in their room. I do not help. I do not supervise. When I implemented this scheduled task for them, I did model with them my expectation, including showing them where the toys go (we have cubbies), picking up all trash, putting dirty clothes away, big toys to be put away in the closet. So why does the cleaning schedule work? I have a timer on their tablets, which shuts them down a half hour after I tuck them in. Due to this, they clean their room in a timely manner to budget out the remaining screen time they have. I have heard many rants about "screen time before bed". Everyone is entitled to their opinion on controversial topics, and I do apologize if I upset anyone, however, I do not see this as doing any harm to my kiddos. I will get more into the tablets and how we keep that under control in a future post. There are so many apps and settings to safeguard and benefit kiddos, I have become a wiz at mastering this! Regulating the sugar-infused children Yes, Maddex, my youngest does not have autism. However, he models from Carter's behavior, as the autism is normal in our household, those are the mannerisms he has learned from watching his older brother. We do not get a lot of play dates due to currently working on Carter's social skills, especially with peers. Aside from Preschool, Maddex does not have other kiddos aside from his cousin to model behaviors from. This is why both children need the body regulation. Below are my tactics for **self-regulation: Mini trampoline: located in our living room, which helps with the deep pressure some autistic kiddos need to calm their body. Carter uses this for about 30 seconds at a time, usually in 10 second intervals for 5 minutes. He likes to use this before bed and before school. Crab walks: Oh what fun! Get in the action too, if you have also had too much coffee! A good way to strengthen your core also. I use our hallway, as it is about 10 feet long, perfect for a decent crab walk. Yes, that is pretty long, considering they must go down the hallway and come all the way back without their bottom touching the ground. Try it once, it does slow the body down! Burpees: Yes I am serious. I will do them with the kiddos too. I do not enjoy these at all, however, a few small exercises at home helps me feel more energized and motivated. Can't believe I just described burpees as a form of motivation! But it works! Wall stands: I would not recommend this if you care about keeping your walls mint, with no dents or foot prints. After I describe this exercise, I will add in my thoughts. Have the kiddo face away from the wall, hands on the ground shoulder-width apart, and place his feet on the wall, as high as possible. Usually 10 seconds is long enough. If this does not work, you can always add in another exercise and switch back and forth. My thoughts on the wall: I have learned as one of the daily effects of Carter's autism, things get broken, walls get damaged, and that is fixable. Unless he is intentionally in non-meltdown mode destroying the house, I am not going to sweat it. "Safe, Calm, Resting Face". Why stress yourself out over something you can fix? That is considered a little deal, not a big deal. I will get into that more later in a future post. Applied deep pressure: Foot taps (tapping your hand firmly on the kiddo's foot 5 - 10 times each), assisted foam roller (using a foam roller on the extremities to relax the muscles. Do NOT ever roll over a joint. For more information on using a **foam roller, click here), and squeezies (lightly squeezing with both hands the forearm, bicep, shoulder, and back down - 5 seconds per each is enough) Swings and hammocks: Currently we do not have a swing, so we use a comforter blanket. Instruct the kiddo to lay in the middle of the blanket on the floor. Hold onto all four corners of the blanket with a tight grasp. Use your knees to lift the kiddo and keep your back straight as you stand. Gently rock the bundled kiddo back and forth. I use this with Carter 1-2 days a week and it greatly helps him. He requests this, which we refer to as a "cereal bowl". With a swing, these can be free standing with a base, or attached to the ceiling. Most times kiddos are able to use these on their own for self-regulation. My closing thoughts Easter was a pretty relaxed day for me. Less demands, no cooking, and I sure do love me some coffee! Today we are cleaning up and the Easter candy is limited. I am good with not having an Easter dinner until the boys are older. Andy doesn't mind, he gets it. As it was a school night, the day ended pretty quick. I enjoyed watching some tv and catching up on laundry. I hope my tactics listed above help to overcome the craziness of an unregulated child. If you have questions, please feel free to send me an email. I have included my contact information in my "Disclosure" page. **Disclosure: Reviews of products & referenced links are not sponsored by any affiliates and are solely the opinion of the Author; these are strictly opinions and honest advice, which should not be considered consumer or health guidelines. The Autism Soup and/or The Author are not responsible for any injuries or damage due to procedures listed above. Please consult with your doctor in regards to health concerns.